by Vann Joines, Ph.D., Director South East Institute for Group and Family Therapy, Professional Standards Vice President, International Transactional Analysis Association
Update By Anastasia Rosen-Jones, December 27, 2018
On the heels of my identifying Martin G. Groder, M.D. as the man who brought long-enduring harm into my life with his sexual harassment and power abuse of me, I want to add a few comments, here, beyond that which Vann Joines has so lovingly presented below.
Marty was a man who believed in evil. As such he taught me almost all I would know, for a good long time, about owning and working with it inside myself and within my relationships, as well how to diagnose, treat and transform it in clients.
I have no doubt that he knew and understood it in himself, up to a point. I believe that it was at that point, beyond his conscious understanding, that he allowed -- and -- no doubt justified the retaliation he leveled at me for rebuffing his sexual agenda for me.
Marty joined me on a journey of theoretical development and clinical application that was to be an “adventure of a lifetime” after I sought him out to help me understand the dark side of Watergate.
After our initial connection, we moved on to his guiding me to establish a model program, based on his earlier Asklepeion counterculture therapeutic community approach, at a shelter for abused women. The year was 1980.
From that time forward, we were united, on a mission, to find ways to defeat the dark side, in ourselves, in one another and the world around us, in the consulting room and beyond.
By the time the abused women's shelter program, Assisi in Prince George’s County, Maryland, lost its funding, we were completely immersed in his teaching me anything and everything he knew to handle the dark side of individuals, couples, groups and organizations and in society and politics.
For almost nine wonderful years, our mentor-student relationship seemed to be almost made in heaven. And then it wasn’t anymore.
I will intend to write more of this in the future.
Around the nine year mark, things began to change in our relationship. He described it, at the time, that I had grown beyond him. And he did not know how to manage this.
I don’t think I realized how much this had occurred, or its significance and consequences, until I discovered the documents in December, 2017. They had been all but buried and put aside, without my thinking much about any of this, as best I can recall.
Even after things went from bad to worse, I overlooked, in my mind, the dark side of him, or rather, protected him and others, especially, the body of the International Transactional Analysis Association. Or so I thought myself doing, from knowing what I did of that side of him, personally, a set of circumstances I need, now, to better understand, one of my agendas for the coming new year.
However, there came a time when I realized that by hiding what I knew of Marty's dark side it was at great cost to me. It took me twenty-seven years to realize this!
It seems, in actuality, as if it took the Harvey Weinstein/Hollywood scandals and the #MeToo movement to shake it loose for me.
Once this realization came to me there was no holding back from knowing what I needed to do.
And, doing it!
The following tribute by colleague, Vann Joins, attests to that which is true of all that was extraordinary in Marty. Nonetheless, Marty's malicious evil, as it was in the latter days of my full, active involvement with him, 1980 -- 1990, is no less valid.
We are all made up of such shades of Light and Dark, some of us leaning more to one side or another.
Remember this, as do I, as you read of the harm he did to me and others, as well as his profound legacy. Fortunately, for all those who would wish to learn from both Marty’s brilliance and wisdom, as well as his darknes, he left behind a posthumously pubished book, Winning At Love: The Alpha Male’s Guidebook To Relationship Success.
I am beginning to study this piece myself, now, in my effort to heal from Marty’s abuse of me, as well as to mine the gold from that which he taught me, person-to-person, as well as after the fact, in both positive and negative ways.
I hope you will wish to join me, as I take the next year, as I have pledged to do for myself, to explore and put to rest the loose ends of my relationship with Beloved, Evil, Vengeful Martin G. Groder, M.D. (Marty).
Martin G., Groder, M.D., A Tribute