The Shift From Dark Side Warrior To Compassionate Warrior Occurs Out Of Confronting The Dark In Ourselves And, Correspondingly, In Others

Readers are regularly asking several re-occurring questions, trying to nail down an understanding of the two warrior types: the Dark Side Warrior and the Compassionate Warrior, discussed frequently on this site.

There are no easy answers to understanding them and their operational attributes or how the shift from Dark to Light can occur. 

The whole of the subject, "Exploring Your Dark Side," as an adventure of a lifetime, is incredibly complex. 

However, to make a start in the direction of learning what is there to be known and doing it, one key characteristic of the Dark Side stands out above all --'

Lying!!!

The Dark Side Warrior is steeped in lying, denial and the discounting and manipulation of others.

So if you are to, seriously, begin your adventure of a lifetime, truly desiring a shift from Dark to Light in yourself, you MUST begin by committing yourself to telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, with transparency, as your base practice.

I am going to, increasingly, be discussing truth-telling from here forward, especially as the New Horizons Support Network of which I am the Executive Director and Founder, is in the process, upon my strong recommendation, of taking up an agenda of creating a Truth Or Dare Movement.

Our "new" Truth Or Dare GAME is -- and -- will continue to be our primary vehicle for this.

So you will be hearing more and more on truth-telling, from me, here on this site.

For starters, I will be doing a broadcast on "How Truth-Telling Sets Us Free."

Saturday, February 2. Details below.

And, consider joining me, as a guest on the show, for future broadcasts on this subject. I will look forward to hearing your viewpoints and personal stories on this topic.

Please contact me, if you are interested at:
MountainWomanRJ@aol.com.

Here is my description of that forthcoming broadcast, as posted on Blog Talk Radio.

Anastasia, New Horizons Executive Director and Founder, discusses discovering a new freedom, beyond "Breaking The (#MeToo) Silence And The Price It Exacts," earned by telling her truth in spite of the relentless dismissal of it by others.

This is the kind of role modeling the New Horizons Board Of Directors is urging and, personally, modeling through the skill development and support of our "new" Truth Or Dare GAME.

Out of a horrendous #MeToo-based experience, in 2018, involving the Ethics Committee of the International Transactional Analysis Association, ANASTASIA CAME OUT A WINNER, in spite of the obstructions encountered, WHICH IS WHAT SHE WAS ALWAYS AFTER MOST!!.

With a very specific INTENTIONAL approach that Anastasia teaches through her Exploring Your Dark Side: The Adventure Of A Lifetime methodology, applied to herself, entailing confronting the Dark Side of oneself as well as its presence in others, to see her through the obstacles she encountered, Anastasia came through her ordeal greatly changed in ways she is still attempting to put into words. 

Hear her go through the challenge, in the broadcast, now on podcast, of trying to convey the results to date, for her personally, on "Breaking The Silence And The Price It Exacts."

Anastasia made a fully legitimate, well-documented Ethics Complaint for sexual harassment and abuse of power by her psychiatrist mentor, Martin G. Groder, M.D. The price exacted of her in breaking her #MeToo-related silence, pitted her against the manipulations and power abuses of the Ethics Committee of the International Transactional Analysis Association.

Beginning, informally, in December, 2017, continuing on until almost one year later, after enduring continuous dismissals from that organization, a mental health-oriented organization in which her membership dated back to 1973, Anastasia came to realize that she had paid an enormous price for breaking the silence on her #MeToo-type series of encounters that she had buried for more than twenty-five years.  

However, with Anastasia’s determination to see her Ethics Complaint appropriately resolved, she found herself willing to pay the price, discovering in the process, even more importantly, how “Truth-Telling Sets Us Free.”

This is role modeling to which it is worthwhile paying attention!

"How Truth-Telling Sets Us Free"

Monday, February 4     11:30 a.m.

Meeting The Ghost Of My Sexual Harrasser, Power Abuser, Martin G. Groder, On Christmas Eve

Under construction (Check back, periodically, as we continue to edit and update this piece.)

A poem of sorts, as I begin my Ethics Complaint healing, at long last, from sexual harassment and power abuse by Martin G. Groder. M.D.

Twas the night before Xmas and all through my house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Meanwhile I, in my night shirt, had a new book to read. 

It had arrived, just in time, for curling up with a need – 

-- for a good???? book on this cold, wintery eve.

Whilst I awaited Santa, his eight tiny reindeer and sleigh, a tale of misdeeds revealed had arrived in the mail.

Settling in, as I did, I with this new book of mine, a voice from beyond called out, requesting some time.

“Marcia,” said he, using my birth name, as he’d done in the past –

“I’ve come to settle up harm and damages done you by me.

I’m here to give what you'd asked, if you’ll allow.  

From my place above (And, yes, that’s where I’ve landed. Are you surprised?)

Free of my customary revenge-taking, I’m here to offer what I resisted before: compassionate, respectful dialogue, conversation, healing and reconciliation.

How else had you thought to resolve an ethics complaint against me, for the harm I did you, with a man who’s deceased,” he asked.

“Uh, oh, said I, what have we here?”

Truly the defection of our colleagues (the International Transactional Analysis Association and its Ethics Committee) had ended up doing more harm than good –

-- adding to the heavy doses of malice you'd already inflicted," I answered back.

Should I dare risk another attempt at healing attempts beyond my,own means, I queried? 

Take another chance at telling my tale only to pay an exorbitant price  for breaking my silence, wanting only to be listened to, as a first step toward the peace and ease I seek?

Certainly, I've given this quandary I’ve been in some thought, on many an occasion, these twelve months past.

Almost begging the Ethics Committee of the ITAA to do their rightful duty, as laid out in their official Ethics and Professional Practices guidelines and rules.

To no avail.

Of course, I naively expected they would carry through the mandate they had.

But as we already know, they failed miserably, betraying my long-held trust.

And, as we saw, their minimal efforts did not last.

Now lo and behold, am I to revisit the harm I’ve endured, based on what you offer me now, at this late date? 

Pondering this turn of events, I wondered "What should I do with this apparition, presenting itself here as the ghost Martin G. Groder, the ghost of the man who used his power and authority over me to cause long-lasting, still enduring, harm?

Pointing out he had left behind, upon his demise,  a completed written testimony on his Dark Side Warrior, his ghosts of the past, would I not, now, give him a chance?

Asserting that, in true Compassionate Warrior mode, before he left, he had cleaned up his act, wanting nothing more, now from me, but to help my resolve.

Read carefully this missive, Winning At Love: The Alpha Males Guidebook To Relationship Success, said he, implying, with an all too familiar certainty, that it was his doing, from the other side, that had sent me that book, delivered perfectly on time, the very same day I dared reveal, publicly, his harmful behaviors of me.

So here was the ghost of himself, come to get on my back and haunt me for going public, announcing to an unfiltered audience, his dark deeds of the past, if I would not give him a chance to do right by me now.

Under construction

Here in this tome, co-authored by Pat Webster, Ph.D, was the singular text that would lend Marty a voice to set the record straight, for his part, as I do mine, to call out his Dark Side.

What to do? What to do?

Pondering still, I sat down to read.

Dialogue, acknowledge, down on bended knee, with remorse, when and where guilty of malice, as he had, indeed been.

Amends for harm done is the only true way, said I.

So here's what I can do, I will publicly complain about you, Marty, as is my right, said I, as  I sat down to read, on Christmas Eve, words from the grave and beyond.

So I can stop carrying the cost of my quiet, stored up for nearly thirty years, since the final days of your revenge on me for my rebuffs of you, which, in truth, I am still paying.

That is my pledge to me, as well as to others, especially women, who have walked in shoes like mine.

However, using words from your book, as I quote and interpret them, I will try to do my best to give you sound bytes and data space to share through this last major publication of yours, some of your thoughts and lessons learned to round off the process.

My goodness, what an adventure this is already starting out to be!

More to come.

The Dark Side Warrior In My Backyard: A Commentary By Anastasia

For more than a year, followers, I have been dealing with a #MeToo-type Ethics Complaint, related to sexual harassment, emotional and power-over abuse of me by a former mentor.

You can read about this adventure of mine on my Anastasia The Storyteller blog site and also hear related online radio shows on some of the surrounding chaos the ordeal created for me. The blog site has several collections, having to do with this.  You can find them under –

• Beyond Gender Tyranny;
• Ethics Complaint Healing;  
• Lead Into Gold; and
• Anastasia's Story

Most significantly I wrapped up the one year ordeal by publicly revealing, for the very first time, who my abuser had been.  For many reasons, some of them quite apt, others, perhaps, a bit suspect, I had chosen to not name him up until now.

Nonetheless, over this past week-end, I finally did go public on two of my radio show broadcasts –

• The Cost Of The Quiet, The Price Of Breaking The Silence; and 
• Anastasia Goes Fully #MeToo Public, At Last,   With Her Long-Held Secret Stories

Now that I have let that cat out of the bag, big changes will be coming in my life, many of which will be reflected on this site for reasons that will be quite obvious in a moment –

My abuser was Martin G. Groder, M.D.! 

Marty -- whose mentoring and guidance provided me the basis for my professional development of the theories, upon which this site and countless books and articles of my writings, clinical and social justice strategies would come to be, in other words, the foundation of almost everything I have become and what I pass on to others.

As you might imagine, the steps I have taken to reconcile this situation, with myself and those who knew and loved Marty, in spite of his dark side, have been both liberating and confusing for me. I expect that to continue for a time, yet, until I can come to terms with all that has occurred for me.

Should be an interesting “adventure of a lifetime” for me, dontcha think?

And for this site, as well as myself, as some of my adventures will be playing out here. 

So, on behalf of my liberation, as well as my confusion – I now name the Dark Side Warrior in my backyard to be Martin G. Groder, M.D., deceased in 2007.

A man who was not only dark and hurtful in ways, but whose brilliance as a clinician, business consultant and theoretician leave behind a profound legacy which I will now be able to discuss on this site, from my perspective.

With both sides, the Dark and the Light, showing, now that the cat who was also my golden goose is out of the bag!  

Liberation and confusion!

“No Not Me!” #Metoo And The Issue Of Male Resistance

Announcing!

New Horizons Beyond Gender Tyranny: Lessons In Learning
To be posted on this site on a semi-regular basis. 

On my Anastasia The Storyteller Radio Show yesterday I introduced the topic of “No Not Me!” The #Metoo  Movement And The Issue Of Male Resistance.” 

The topic is so BIG and BROAD, HIGH AND DEEP that today I am instituting a whole new series for this site; the topic of “No not me!” This will be the male track of where we (New Horizons and myself) are heading now to make our contribution, with Beyond Gender Tyranny to be our destination! Full and complete!

Look for my postings on a semi-regular basis here!  

The opportunity I/we (at New Horizons) have been needing, in order to offer New Horizons' very best, top of the line resources, has now arrived in the form of the gift of the Harvey Weinstein/Hollywood scandals and their reverberating aftermath. These situations open up a clear window to viewing many aspects of our society's social and political dynamics that have, heretofore, been hidden.

Of course!  The hidden aspect is what is so profound. 

Now revealed these elements of dysfunction in our society leave us with many new opportunities to better ourselves. At the top of the list we are now offered a renewed opening for examining what truly constitutes be a winner and what makes a loser.

Check out my discussion on Harvey Weinstein as characteristic  of a loser. And place that up against what I/we are suggesting genuine winners do differently.

These contrasting ways of being, when closely examined, allow us to consider the choices we make in living our lives, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in ways that have enormous consequences.

When closely investigated from a perspective of what each one of us can learn from these scandals, not just from pointing a finger at those in the limelight, but instead pointing that finger back at ourselves, these incidents offer us much of what we need, now, to help us reach for whole new level of humanity. 

Long time coming, if we take up the opportunity! The resounding call of the gifts these occurences have left in their wake is simply too loud, too demanding and too important to be silenced! We must use this call wisely.

I will soon be following up what I introduced yesterday on my radio show titled “No Not Me!” The #Metoo Movement And The Issue Of Male Resistance” with many new angles on the subject. I find myself, personally, edified by the discussion I had in doing the broadcast.

I am going to keep on, for a good while, contemplating what I learned and be passing it on to you, my readers. There is quite a discussion pending now from that show.

My first step is to “officially” proclaim my various new series, broadcast/podcast and blogs on all three sites for which I write (and more), to be more carefully aligned than ever in the area of what I (and “WE” at New Horizons) can now offer to our heavily challenged social and political environment, addressing, not only the issue of male resistance, but what women, including myself, of course, need to develop skill at managing, for our wholeness and health. 

The female track of this topic will head off with a forthcoming series of shows – and – related blog articles, at various times, on all three of the sites for which I write, under the subject heading (or some abbreviated labeling)   

The Role Of Woman In The Face Of Resistance

The radio show I did yesterday was my first, extended opportunity to publicly interview and discuss this most critical topic of “No, Not Me": The #Metoo Movement And The Issue Of Male Resistance” with a “willing” male. And, thus, to my own satisfaction, begin to have the opportunity to have the in depth experience of starting to truly learn what New Horizons and myself anticipate will be discovered from our new “Beyond Gender Tyranny Study of Male Attitudes.”

It was an awesome experience for me, yesterday, to do that show with my friend, Dennis Fischer. He taught me much in just being present to discuss the topic, as I presented it. 

Give yourself an interesting experience by listening to that show. And be sure to write me and let me know if you were able to get even a hint about why the event of my having Dennis on that show was so inspiring for me. So BIG and BROAD, HIGH AND DEEP!

My guess is you won’t get it! Or much of the “IT” I am trying to tell you about.

That’s ok. That’s why I’m here to guide you in cutting through the brush on the adventure of a lifetime! I want to see each and every man and woman head for that awesome destination that allows us to celebrate our best as humans and not sink into the chaos and darkness presently surrounding the #Metoo movement.

On my end, nonetheless, I got a rich set of takeaways from that show yesterday. 

These provided me a gateway, from where I sit now, writing only briefly to get a few thoughts off my chest, on this rather cloudy Easter morning, that are helping me realize that the climb we must, now, make to get to that wondrous place I call the peak of the Mountain of Awe will be as daunting as any formerly climbed!

However, from where I stand today, I can see the summit!

And, know that, for myself, that’s where I’m heading!

Will you join me on the climb? 

Will you meet me on the trek to the mountaintop where we will be able to join in celebrating our efforts?

I hope so!

Get ready, get set, go -- men and women, if moving beyond gender tyranny is your intent.

This will be a battle for life and death! (Trust me, I know firsthand, as some of you other women might also know!) And one you will not easily be able to turn your backs upon.

That’s why I call this undertaking the “adventure of a lifetime,” demanding, first and foremost that you “explore your dark side” -- men and women!

In it lies your liberation, your freedom; your personal transformation! Moving beyond gender tyranny is it’s impetus!

More to come!

Note to reader: Hey, guys, I realize there is a lot of metaphor and mystery to what I am writing here.  I would love to know which of you – and – what you are able to decipher of it all.

Write and let me know at: mountainwomanrj@aol.com, the new email account I have now set up for the journey of moving “beyond gender tyranny.”

Harvey Weinstein And The Losers’ Paradigm

Also see The Winners and Losers Paradigm

I have always been attracted to the words of Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero With A Thousand Faces, describing Darth Vadar as “an unformed man,” the antithesis of a true hero. 

"Whoever is not aware of
this force..."

How paradoxical is this contrast between what people often consider heroes and what just might be hiding beneath the surface, especially when we witness the fall from an apparent pinnacle of success of Harvey Weinstein. And the others like him, such as Bill Cosby, who have also taken this plummet from a peak, extolled as the heights of achievement, into a Hell hole of one’s own making.

Yet, once the scales fall away from this fiery dragon of a man, Harvey Weinstein, who could and did make and break the fortunes of untold numbers, the unformed man, as Campbell described Darth Vadar, is revealed for all to see, but the most jaundiced.

The fact, as reported by numerous media sites, that Weinstein has now already left his first foray into rehab, after only one week, vividly displays the absence of human substance, depth and determination to face up to his problems, as he more comfortably seeks return to his familiar turf. 

“Traditional rehab would require Harvey to disconnect and part with his phone and he's not able to do that,” we're told. 

Instead Harvey is ".. still figuring out his next move," an insider shares, "but would like to stay in the business. He loves making movies and is convinced he will find people that will work with him."

This, dear readers, if you hadn’t already figured it out, is the stuff of the Loser Survivor, not, at all, that of the Serene Survivor. 

Here is my assessment of Harvey Weinstein, in current motion, as represented by my Loser Survivor table. I hope you find it edifying and a tool to help your own thinking/feeling/assessing keep clear as an aid to mucking out the waste such poor examples of humanity create for the innocent and unsuspecting.

Loser Survivors Do These Kinds of Things. 
My comments, regarding Weinstein’s particular representation, are offered below.

Avoids dealing with full reality; 
If you’re in the business of fantasy creating, why bother with reality?

Stubbornly holds on to being right; 
Why not, if you’re holding all the chips?

Invests in defending him/herself; 
Well, a bully stands on top and doesn’t have much need for actual defending, when he can buy and sell almost all, out from under others.

Sabotages the well-being of self and others; 
Obvious when applied to others. But not so easily recognized by such as Weinstein and Cosby, until YOU guys, get royally caught!

Avoids taking risks related to being fully honest with self and others; 
Full honesty not required when you can control and buy almost anyone and anything. Lying and denial are critical elements of the game.

Shuts others out/keeps others distant; 
Now, what was that you were saying about Harvey Weinstein and his wife and the quality of their relationship?

Invests in illusions; Same as #1.

Holds grudges and resentments; 
What’s that we hear about Harvey and his work with his therapist? Something about the tip of the iceberg. 

“There were things that triggered [Weinstein’s] anger and our job was to help him recognize where it was coming from and how to control it. …. It was an appropriate display of anger.”

And, about the various times he has actually beaten up others who angered him, including his brother?

Avoids full involvement in life; 

A fantasy life doesn’t usually make much room for the trees and the birds, the sunshine and clouds. And how much genuine involvement can one truly have, even in one’s own family, when a guest visiting one’s home is taken into a next room to satisfy lustful demands. (See Lupita Nyong'o.)

Makes excuses for personal stagnation; 
My goodness, “it all was “consensual,” he said.

Exploits personal fears to justify hiding; 
What else might it mean when a man whose life and all he has built is totally collapsing but "He is still figuring out his next move."  Experts would suggest this is optimum denial.

Avoids or breaks commitments; 
Here again we can come back to his wife and children. But that’s only for starters.

Avoids valid emotional pain; 
At this stage of my life, after years of dealing with the survivor/addict in me, I would know for sure that I am terrified of what lies ahead and would deeply feel the pain of all that is happening, including how I could be the perpetrator that caused much of it.

Avoids necessary grieving; 
Same as #13 above.

Avoids personal responsibility; 
Personal responsibility carries with it a great deal of #13 above. But that’s only for starters in digging into the fallout. Years and years of self-examination, accountability and amends. Ask any recovering addict!

Lies to self and others; 
Here we are back to one of the key elements of how the game is played.

Encourages addictions in others; 
This one isn’t all about Harvey. It’s about the surrounding survivor/addict culture. The same one, with our unique variations, that you and I are also living in.

Holds on to controlling others; 
“Oh, please, don’t let me go, everyone. I’m sorry and I will make it up to you and get right back in it all again with you!,” said Harvey.

Avoids acknowledging limitations; 
Now where was that “I’m sorry?

Instead of learning, repeats mistakes; 
Here’s one blatant example. “Traditional rehab would require Harvey to disconnect and part with his phone and he's not able to do that, we're told.” But we won’t need to look far for others.

This is the Campbell’s “unformed man,” for sure. The Dark Side in motion.

One main thing can save Harvey besides himself, I promoted it in my article on The power of GRAD. It’s the power of people speaking out “truth to power,” pain and outrage. 

In a democracy the many voices of the collective can almost move mountains.  And, Harvey and others like him can be almost as big as the mountains, if they are in your life.

Been there, done that!


#Metoo

How Anastasia’s GRAD Theory Offers Hope In These Troubled Times

Do you wonder, these days, how we, as Americans, are ever going to get through these troubling times with Donald Trump in office?

It would be hard to be fully present to what is going on around us, day in and day out, under Trump’s administration and be completely at ease. 

But I am here to tell you, with all my many years of experience working with individuals, couples, families, groups and organizations, added to more than forty years of research and strategic intervention development, based on what Watergate taught me, that we, the citizens of the U.S.A., our Congressional representatives and our courts, are on the right and proper track.

Do you want to know why I believe this, so wholeheartedly, even though I, like yourself, am struggling most days to remain “tranquil”?

The bottom line for me can be found in the almost bottom line of my GRAD theory.

Interpreted it goes like this: The Dark Side (i.e. addictions and/or any other manifestation of the RSC) cannot hide out, indefinitely in a community. Community life will not sustain it!

The reason being:  Over the long haul the character aspects (of the Dark Side Warrior) are antithetical to community life – and – humans are, by nature, communal animals. Thus, in a democracy, to go against that which builds and sustains communal life cannot sustain itself, indefinitely. The weight of the majority will not tolerate it.

Trust in this! And, do your best to be the best you can to be a part of the healthy whole!

To the end of strengthening your resolve  -- and – your efforts to hold on to your hope, your highest ideals and your everyday commitments, today I am editing and adding to my description of the GRAD theory to provide you with highlights and guidelines to help you navigate this challenging era.  

The Power of One is what I am stressing, added to the power of the many.

Please use what I am offering! 

Apply the tenets laid out, as best you can. And contact me at: SuperSleuthDSW@aol.com, if you need further assistance.

Together we can weather this storm, as people are doing, this very day, in surviving Hurricane Harvey in Texas.

Winners And Losers: A Paradigm For Each

Winner Survivors* Do These Things

Scroll down on Winner and Loser lists for new additions, today, August 6, 2017

• Confronts and deals with reality;
• Strives to live in the Light;
• Lets go of resistances and defending;
• Avoids trying to control others;
  
• Is consistently open to learning from life's lessons;
• Sets intentions to learning from others;
• Is determined to succeed at all levels (body, mind and spirit);
• Takes risks to improve relationships with others;
• Resolves conflicts with others, including managing anger in healthy ways;
• Takes responsibility -- is transparent and accountable;
• Participates fully in life, daring to be all one can be;
• Uses fullest capacities;
• Makes and keeps commitments;
• Always tells the fullest truth of their knowing (Except when genuine threats to survival are present.) Added October 29;
• Experiences, fully, reality-based pain and other emotions;
• Grieves losses fully;
• Expects others to be transparent, responsible and accountable;
• Acknowledges limitations;
• Learns from mistakes;
• Allows self to be inspired and empowered by nature (fresh air, sunshine and the great outdoors); Added 8/6/17
• Attends to nutrition, exercise, physical, emotional and spiritual health; Added 8/6/17
• Seeks to find joy, appreciation and inspiration in others (Quakers call this "Looking for the G-d in every one); Added 8/6/17
• Is loving, caring and compassionate toward self and others.

Loser Survivors* Do These

• Avoids dealing with full reality;
• Stubbornly holds on to being right;
• Invests in defending him/herself;
• Sabotages the well being of self and others;
• Avoids taking risks related to being fully honest with self and others;
• Shuts others out/keeps others distant;
• Invests in illusions;
• Holds grudges and resentments;
• Avoids full involvement in life;
• Makes excuses for personal stagnation;
• Exploits personal fears to justify hiding;
• Avoids or breaks commitments;
• Avoids valid emotional pain;
• Avoids necessary grieving;
• Avoids personal responsibility;
• Lies to self and others;
• Fosters personal survival-based addictions;
• Encourages addictions in others;
• Holds on to controlling others;
• Avoids acknowledging limitations;
• Often seeks out and/or creates chaos; Added 8/6/17
• Often complains and holds grudges; Added 8/6/17
• Instead of learning, repeats mistakes;

Which of these paradigms are you living in? 

Which one is you being all you aspire to be? 

Which one is you doing all you would like to see yourself do?

Check these out to see where your strengths and weaknesses lie.

The Survivor Addict Inventory and the Catalogue of Survival Driven Behaviors are tools that can help you with this assessment.

* Use this link to read how the "mysterious capability" of our biological survival instinct plays a critical role in our being "winners" or "losers." It's a matter of choice, more than anything. But nature and nurture do play important parts.