Site materials are based on the research, theories and clinical treatment and organizational development strategies of Martin G. Groder, M.D. and Anastasia Rosen-Jones (formerly Marcia E. Rosen). The Groder-Rosen formal name for the "Dark Side" is the "Survivor Addict".

Monday, August 28, 2017

How Anastasia’s GRAD Theory Offers Hope In These Troubled Times

Do you wonder, these days, how we, as Americans, are ever going to get through these troubling times with Donald Trump in office?

It would be hard to be fully present to what is going on around us, day in and day out, under Trump’s administration and be completely at ease. 

But I am here to tell you, with all my many years of experience working with individuals, couples, families, groups and organizations, added to more than forty years of research and strategic intervention development, based on what Watergate taught me, that we, the citizens of the U.S.A., our Congressional representatives and our courts, are on the right and proper track.

Do you want to know why I believe this, so wholeheartedly, even though I, like yourself, am struggling most days to remain “tranquil”?

The bottom line for me can be found in the almost bottom line of my GRAD theory.

Interpreted it goes like this: The Dark Side (i.e. addictions and/or any other manifestation of the RSC) cannot hide out, indefinitely in a community. Community life will not sustain it!

The reason being:  Over the long haul the character aspects (of the Dark Side Warrior) are antithetical to community life – and – humans are, by nature, communal animals. Thus, in a democracy, to go against that which builds and sustains communal life cannot sustain itself, indefinitely. The weight of the majority will not tolerate it.

Trust in this! And, do your best to be the best you can to be a part of the healthy whole!

To the end of strengthening your resolve  -- and – your efforts to hold on to your hope, your highest ideals and your everyday commitments, today I am editing and adding to my description of the GRAD theory to provide you with highlights and guidelines to help you navigate this challenging era.  

The Power of One is what I am stressing, added to the power of the many.

Please use what I am offering! 

Apply the tenets laid out, as best you can. And contact me at:, if you need further assistance.

Together we can weather this storm, as people are doing, this very day, in surviving Hurricane Harvey in Texas.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Winners And Losers: A Paradigm For Each

Winner Survivors* Do These Things

Scroll down on Winner and Loser lists for new additions, today, August 6, 2017
  • Confronts and deals with reality;
  • Strives to live in the Light;
  • Lets go of resistances and defending;
  • Avoids trying to control others;
  • Is consistently open to learning from life's lessons;
  • Sets intentions to learning from others;
  • Is determined to succeed at all levels (body, mind and spirit);
  • Takes risks to improve relationships with others;
  • Resolves conflicts with others;
  • Takes responsibility -- is transparent and accountable;
  • Participates fully in life, daring to be all one can be);
  • Uses fullest capacities;
  • Makes and keeps commitments;
  • Always tells the fullest truth of their knowing;
  • Experiences, fully, reality-based pain and other emotions;
  • Grieves losses fully;
  • Expects others to be transparent, responsible and accountable;
  • Acknowledges limitations;
  • Learns from mistakes;
  • Allows self to be inspired and empowered by nature (fresh air, sunshine and the great outdoors); Added 8/6/17
  • Attends to nutrition, exercise, physical, emotional and spiritual health; Added 8/6/17
  • Seeks to find joy, appreciation and inspiration in others (Quakers call this "Looking for the G-d in every one); Added 8/6/17
  • Is loving, caring and compassionate of others.

Loser Survivors* Do These
  • Avoids dealing with full reality;
  • Stubbornly holds on to being right;
  • Invests in defending him/herself;
  • Sabotages the well being of self and others;
  • Avoids taking risks related to being fully honest with self and others;
  • Shuts others out/keeps others distant;
  • Invests in illusions;
  • Holds grudges and resentments;
  • Avoids full involvement in life;
  • Makes excuses for personal stagnation;
  • Exploits personal fears to justify hiding;
  • Avoids or breaks commitments;
  • Avoids valid emotional pain;
  • Avoids necessary grieving;
  • Avoids personal responsibility;
  • Lies to self and others;
  • Fosters personal survival-based addictions;
  • Encourages addictions in others;
  • Holds on to controlling others;
  • Avoids acknowledging limitations;
  • Often seeks out and/or creates chaos; Added 8/6/17
  • Often complains and holds grudges; Added 8/6/17
  • Instead of learning, repeats mistakes;
Which of these paradigms are you living in? 

Which one is you being all you aspire to be? 

Which one is you doing all you would like to see yourself do?

Check these out to see where your strengths and weaknesses lie.

The Survivor Addict Inventory and the Catalogue of Survival Driven Behaviors are tools that can help you with this assessment.

* Use this link to read how the "mysterious capability" of our biological survival instinct plays a critical role in our being "winners" or "losers." It's a matter of choice, more than anything. But nature and nurture do play important parts.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Leaving The Dark Side Behind

My collection of "Leaving The Dark Side Behind" articles are all about "what to do" rather than the "what not to do" path of the dark side.

Donald Trump and Company are wonderful gifts, if you can allow yourself to open to that possibility. Every day they are depicting themselves as extreme and perfect examples of "what not to do," if you want a truly beautiful life.

Here is a post, Beyond The Darkness, that I just wrote that has guidelines on "what not to do" and how to achieve that gorgeous state of Dark Side LIBERATION!

Good luck with it.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

A Defiant, Rebellious, Angry Man-Child Now Rules Our White House

What to do? What to do?

The White House seems so far away and yet so close these days.

It is not “our” house. Yet it is “our” house, this White House that shelters the titular leader of our country, Donald Trump. With Trump in residence, disorder reigns in this house and throughout our country.

What to do? What to do?

Some of the greatest wisdom I have come across, out of the mid to late twentieth century is the collective principles that grew out of Alcoholics Anonymous. My Beloved mentor, Marty Groder, M.D. attempted to improve upon them in his meritorious work at the Marion Federal Penitentiary at Marion, Illinois.  I do not believe he succeeded with this, although other of his ground breaking efforts, indeed were worthy of acclaim.

For a while I tried to emulate Groder’s “instead of  AA approach.” But eventually, having personally invested some time of my own, experiencing a Twelve Step program, I “came to believe” that a better mouse trap was unlikely to be built. So “why reinvent the wheel” when the one you have already rolls along just fine.

Groder’s Survivor Addiction theory that eventually became the GRAD theory (the Groder Rosen Addiction Development theory) incorporates all that Groder taught me about healing addictions. These are truly synonymous with learning to transform and transcend the “dark side” which is a genuine work of a lifetime, almost impossible to achieve, 100%, but is well worth the effort.

Having spent most of the decades of my life on this healing path of dark side transforming, on behalf of clients, as well as following the motto, “Physician heal thy self,” I am finding Trump in the White House to be one of the most challenging, as well as disturbing, dark side confrontations I have ever faced. His presence in office takes the disciplines of forgiveness and detachment, systematically representative of Al-Anon, to a whole new level.

What to do? What to do?

One of the ways I am approaching this trial is right here on this blog site. By my reviewing the questions presented on the Survivor/Addict Inventory, I remind myself, almost as if Groder were alive today to prompt my intellect, that in Trump we have as near an embodiment of the “dark side” as the U.S.A. has ever had in office.

What to do? What to do?

I keep reminding myself what that man, from what we can observe, must, by logical assessment, be carrying inside himself. And, it isn’t pretty. “What to do? What to do?” to keep myself and my loved ones sane in this insane place, has now become a daily mantra.

Want some guidance from what my many years, professionally and personally, have taught me, with a heavy dose of lessons learned from Watergate? Run through this inventory, as if you were taking it as Donald Trump.  See what you discover.

It might just assist you in better understanding and managing the insanity we are now living through. At the least, it might help you in finding creative ways of staying outside of your dark side as you attempt to avoid influences of others in this nasty game we are now in.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

The Media Wants Your Attention. Donald Trump Wants Your Attention. What Do You Want?

Get out of the GAME! Get on with your life!

(Coming soon, GRAD GAME theory, or how to lead a great life!)

Consider yourself a hostage, if you are led by what others want and are without clarity about what you want.

Think about it! Is codependency with politics what you want for yourself for the next four/eight years? Another possibility is to make this a time of growth and even transformation for yourself, along with others for whom you might care. In other words, choose to live this time of stress and trial wisely so you can come through it well.

Being bound to what others want for you, without a discernable definition for yourself – of your self, is one of the main characteristics of codependency. 

Being snared in this trap, in and of itself, is a sure warning to me, if and when I find myself subjected to this GAME to get myself out of it! Staying in ensures a diminishing of the health and well-being I strive so arduously to maintain on a daily basis through nutrition and exercise, tending to my relationships, spending time in nature etc.

How about you? What, where and how do you finally come to realize that you are being led like a sheep by the politicians, the media and the internet, along with whatever else you are being pulled into– and – thus not leading YOUR OWN LIFE?

Add to that minimizing of your true personhood, being a follower of a gang of others who are intent on fighting (i.e. Republicans and Democrats, the media and other special interest groups) and you have made a deal with the Dark Side.

Do you not yet realize you do not need to fight what is now touted as he war now going on in our society and politics?

Now why would you want to do that, unless you do not value the days of your life?

Look again. Here is a place to now re-read Jonah Goldberg’s article, "Trump’s Relationship With Media is One of Codependency,” to help yourself see if you are also in the GAME, or not! 

(I have found a number of other articles on Goldberg’s same theme; the craziness surrounding our political climate that hooks all of us in with it through abuse of our news outlets (i.e. what the media is doing to itself as well as how it is being used nefariously by others) that we depend on for the NEWS we truly need to connect us with the world and our place in it. I will post them too, as I locate their links.

Here's one by Ben Shapiro, Addicted To The Apocalypse.)

Beware politics and the media are addictive activities, seeking your undivided attention; your dependency on them for your daily sustenance like a drug!

So who is in control of your life?  If it’s not you, is that something you truly want?

Giving up oneself to be led by others is a Survival Driven activity; in other words this giving up of self is an addiction, a manifestation of living your life in darkness. Check it out!

It puts you in the position of living like sheep, mindlessly

Here are some things to learn, or remind yourself of, to get out of the codependency trap of our current society and politics.
Bottom line: detach from the drama, get lots of support from healthy people and healthy living, find workable intervention strategies and/or GET OUT, if the going gets too tough);
  • How co-dependent personalities intertwine their passive addictions with the power/aggressive addict to foster a whole multitude of problems. For example: sleepless nights worrying about our political state of affairs, high anxiety about same, excess amounts of time obsessing about what you hear or read about politics, politicians, the media and/or entertainment such as comedy that keeps you still in the GAME.
(Bottom line: All types of survivor addicts indulge in varieties of psychological game playing. Check here for a catalogue of psychological games. If whatever does not produce health, get out of it!)

Bottom Line Here: 
  • Get out of the GAME! Get back in charge of your life;
  • Survival driven behaviors; those that are yours or that you attach yourself to; take you down into darkness; 
  • Find light! Your Light is essential, especially now! 
Here are some tips for getting out of the GAME today!
Get Out of The Game!

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Survival Games Power Addicts And Co-Dependents Play

Note To The Winner Survivor/Compassionate Warrior

The main objective of this developing series is to facilitate YOUR getting out of the codependent cycle YOU are likely also in with the political chaos going on.

Here's how it works:

1. Stop being all caught up in the Trump-media drama. If you are in it, that is YOUR addiction, not theirs;
2. Focus your attentions, while also staying vigilant, but not hyper-vigilant, on those closest to you; family, friends, neighbors, you local community;
3. Lean in, lean in, lean it -- build bridges of understanding to overcome polarization anywhere and everywhere you can;
4. This is a critical pathway, slowly but surely, for eradicating the toxicity surrounding us now in society and politics;
5. This is a pathway for bringing more calm and peace into your own life;
6. This is also a pathway for eventually bringing fresh, new leaders into our government. 
7. By living, now, in integrity in your own life you will have a better understanding in the future about how you choose leaders and what you will want from them;
8.This is a pathway for role modeling to the younger generations how our country can best move forward.


I want to make a handful of points here in beginning what I hope will become a useful series of articles to follow as soon as I can prepare them. My hope is that these just might have the substance and clarity I wish for you to have from my efforts to write my many blog posts, designed especially for your edification -- and --- your transformation

(For inspiring my idea for this series I thank Jonah Goldberg of the National Review for his wonderful article, Trump’s Relationship With Media is One of Codependency.)

To accomplish this I am starting off with my end point: 
If you wish to find a modicum of peace for yourself in these troubled times, socially and politically, winding your way through the sometimes arduous task of taking my “Do You Have A Survivor/Addict Personality? inventory can be a useful tool (Also named the Where Is Your Compassionate Warrior Hiding? Quiz.
Two different names for the same inventory, designed for you to see the two different angles intended for exploring from this quiz; the first name focuses on the problems to be identified while the second, “the Compassionate Warrior” quiz suggests that there is treasure to be found in areas of challenge.
If you make a serious exploration of either of these two, content identical quizzes, framed somewhat differently to help you best make use of them – and – if you make your way through to the scoring, you will soon discover that the lowest possible scores tell you what the highest potentials of human functioning look like.

Thus the scoring you will see tells you --  

If your score is: 25 - 35, your Dark Side may no longer be actively destructive. You may have come through the tempering process of a journey similar to mine and returned a Compassionate Warrior whose strength is combined with gentleness except in extreme emergencies. In other words, if you scored in this range, you have, most likely, learned the art of merging head and heart. 

In this mode you value strategic planning. If and when you choose to activate your Inner Warrior, it is always with a sound dose of it being for the good of the whole. Here integrity rules the day above most other things. 

You can also check out the Serene Survivor Inventory to further explore the dominant ways of the Compassionate Warrior in relationships. High scores on this inventory offer a baseline for identifying optimum Compassionate Warrior behaviors. Use it to guide your development of living in a transforming manner.

Now, getting back to my main focus for this article, “Survival Games Power Addicts And Co-Dependents Play.” One further aside; sometimes, when I am feeling particularly happy and resilient, I experience a moment or two of gratitude for Donald Trump and his outrageous team of cohorts. After all, I had been investigating the social and political dynamics of the Dark Side and its enabler, the co-dependent, since Watergate

I was quite certain it would now be time, after Election 2016, to share fully what I’ve learned. So I was intent on that mission. But without Donald Trump in office to portray a real live Dark Side in motion, on a daily basis, ad nauseum, who might I have drawn from for “case study” examples of some of the worst possible manifestations?

Only Darth Vadar had seemed to be an apt example previously.

Now to return to my main point, “Survival Games Power Addicts And Co-Dependents Play.” 

If only, if only people could tune into the level of excessive survival-driven behaviors Trump and Company are promoting – and – find their way through that darkness to the Light, oh how wonderful it could be, on the Fourth of July as well as the other 364 days of the year.  

(Michelle Obama offers an idea of how to do this in her statement, "When they go low, we go high." Do it!!!)

With that end in mind, I offer you this --

As a registered Independent I give myself the leisure these days of reading all types of online media, other than the irredeemable extremes of the dark side. In the process of this exploration, I have taken a liking to the National Review, founded by William Buckley Jr. Often times, these days, I find some of the commentary posted there as the only sane place, still with a bit of thought-provoking zest, to help me sort out the mental gyrations Donald Trump and his team are intent on provoking.

Jonah Goldberg has become one of my favorites on this site. And today, his article, "Trump’s Relationship With Media is One of Codependency,” gave me so much that I want to share it with you as a homework reading assignment for the teachings of this site.

So, instructions Number One, read this article.

Instruction Number 2, return to this site for some Dark Side transforming lessons based on the interweaving of Jonah Goldberg’s article and the principles of this site. 

(I mean transforming within yourself along with doing your best to transform the Dark Side wherever you see it, near or far. See this link for a further exploration of Dark Side and Compassionate Warrior principles.

Caveat: Be mindful that attachments to changing others, outside of managing how you handle yourself, lead you right into survival/addict functioning!)

(Hopefully I will not run afoul of any copyright infringements in doing this. I have requested an official okay but am going forward as intended, unless some other upheaval distracts me, once again, as often happens.)

Details on the way.

Happy July 4!!!

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Allies And Adversaries

As I reminded folks on a recent New Horizons’ Small “Zones Of Peace” blog, “A House Divided Cannot Stand.”  

How do we so often manage to forget this? And, still call ourselves people of G-d? 

I am not a Christian. My Bible does not lay out this principle in quite the clear words of the New Testament. Yet I know this code required of a dignified human life as well as I know my name.

Ben Franklin referred to this belief in his famous words "we must all hang together or most assuredly we will all hang separately."

What do you think he meant by this?

As quoted on the internet –
Benjamin Franklin said this famous line at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence in July 1776.  The meaning of the quote was that the signers of the Declaration, as well as colonists in general, had to help each other and support each other or they were doomed.
The line is, of course, a pun.  Franklin is using the figure of speech "hang together" to mean "stick together" or "support one another."  He puns that with the phrase "hang separately." 
By this, he means being executed by hanging. 
So he is saying that if they do not support each other, they will be executed.  By extension, he is saying that if they colonies as a whole do not support one another they will all be defeated by England.
We have both the Bible and Ben Franklin to remind us that we all need one another; so very much “hangs” on this one principle. 

What else do we need?  How about just good common sense>

Why are we minimizing the importance of this principle now?

If you haven’t already taken my “Where Is Your Dark Side Hiding/Survivor-Addict Inventory,” check it out now to find out what’s in your way of “hanging together.”

Why wait for another “9/11” or Manchester, England to bring yourself to unite with your fellow citizens?

We’ve got to get over this “enemies” thing! It is not helping! 

Polarization is only valuable for a time as we define ourselves and that for which we stand. Its usefulness is soon outweighed by its potential to tear us apart.

The Democrats are ranting today about their lost Georgia election. Tomorrow the Republicans will be at it again. 

I’m so glad I am neither. A mini-taste of heaven for me is now being a registered Independent!