Site materials are based on the research, theories and clinical treatment and organizational development strategies of Martin G. Groder, M.D. and Anastasia Rosen-Jones (formerly Marcia E. Rosen). The Groder-Rosen formal name for the "Dark Side" is the "Survivor Addict".

Sunday, April 1, 2018

“No Not Me!” #Metoo And The Issue Of Male Resistance

Announcing!

New Horizons Beyond Gender Tyranny: Lessons In Learning
To be posted on this site on a semi-regular basis. 

On my Anastasia The Storyteller Radio Show yesterday I introduced the topic of “No Not Me!” The #Metoo  Movement And The Issue Of Male Resistance.” 

The topic is so BIG and BROAD, HIGH AND DEEP that today I am instituting a whole new series for this site; the topic of “No not me!” This will be the male track of where we (New Horizons and myself) are heading now to make our contribution, with Beyond Gender Tyranny to be our destination! Full and complete!

Look for my postings on a semi-regular basis here!  

The opportunity I/we (at New Horizons) have been needing, in order to offer New Horizons' very best, top of the line resources, has now arrived in the form of the gift of the Harvey Weinstein/Hollywood scandals and their reverberating aftermath. These situations open up a clear window to viewing many aspects of our society's social and political dynamics that have, heretofore, been hidden.

Of course!  The hidden aspect is what is so profound. 

Now revealed these elements of dysfunction in our society leave us with many new opportunities to better ourselves. At the top of the list we are now offered a renewed opening for examining what truly constitutes be a winner and what makes a loser.

Check out my discussion on Harvey Weinstein as characteristic  of a loser. And place that up against what I/we are suggesting genuine winners do differently.

These contrasting ways of being, when closely examined, allow us to consider the choices we make in living our lives, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in ways that have enormous consequences.

When closely investigated from a perspective of what each one of us can learn from these scandals, not just from pointing a finger at those in the limelight, but instead pointing that finger back at ourselves, these incidents offer us much of what we need, now, to help us reach for whole new level of humanity. 

Long time coming, if we take up the opportunity! The resounding call of the gifts these occurences have left in their wake is simply too loud, too demanding and too important to be silenced! We must use this call wisely.

I will soon be following up what I introduced yesterday on my radio show titled “No Not Me!” The #Metoo Movement And The Issue Of Male Resistance” with many new angles on the subject. I find myself, personally, edified by the discussion I had in doing the broadcast.

I am going to keep on, for a good while, contemplating what I learned and be passing it on to you, my readers. There is quite a discussion pending now from that show.

My first step is to “officially” proclaim my various new series, broadcast/podcast and blogs on all three sites for which I write (and more), to be more carefully aligned than ever in the area of what I (and “WE” at New Horizons) can now offer to our heavily challenged social and political environment, addressing, not only the issue of male resistance, but what women, including myself, of course, need to develop skill at managing, for our wholeness and health. 

The female track of this topic will head off with a forthcoming series of shows – and – related blog articles, at various times, on all three of the sites for which I write, under the subject heading (or some abbreviated labeling)   

The Role Of Woman In The Face Of Resistance

The radio show I did yesterday was my first, extended opportunity to publicly interview and discuss this most critical topic of “No, Not Me": The #Metoo Movement And The Issue Of Male Resistance” with a “willing” male. And, thus, to my own satisfaction, begin to have the opportunity to have the in depth experience of starting to truly learn what New Horizons and myself anticipate will be discovered from our new “Beyond Gender Tyranny Study of Male Attitudes.”

It was an awesome experience for me, yesterday, to do that show with my friend, Dennis Fischer. He taught me much in just being present to discuss the topic, as I presented it. 

Give yourself an interesting experience by listening to that show. And be sure to write me and let me know if you were able to get even a hint about why the event of my having Dennis on that show was so inspiring for me. So BIG and BROAD, HIGH AND DEEP!

My guess is you won’t get it! Or much of the “IT” I am trying to tell you about.

That’s ok. That’s why I’m here to guide you in cutting through the brush on the adventure of a lifetime! I want to see each and every man and woman head for that awesome destination that allows us to celebrate our best as humans and not sink into the chaos and darkness presently surrounding the #Metoo movement.

On my end, nonetheless, I got a rich set of takeaways from that show yesterday. 

These provided me a gateway, from where I sit now, writing only briefly to get a few thoughts off my chest, on this rather cloudy Easter morning, that are helping me realize that the climb we must, now, make to get to that wondrous place I call the peak of the Mountain of Awe will be as daunting as any formerly climbed!

However, from where I stand today, I can see the summit!

And, know that, for myself, that’s where I’m heading!

Will you join me on the climb

Will you meet me on the trek to the mountaintop where we will be able to join in celebrating our efforts?

I hope so!

Get ready, get set, go -- men and women, if moving beyond gender tyranny is your intent.

This will be a battle for life and death! (Trust me, I know firsthand, as some of you other women might also know!) And one you will not easily be able to turn your backs upon.

That’s why I call this undertaking the “adventure of a lifetime,” demanding, first and foremost that you “explore your dark side” -- men and women!

In it lies your liberation, your freedom; your personal transformation! Moving beyond gender tyranny is it’s impetus!

More to come!

Note to reader: Hey, guys, I realize there is a lot of metaphor and mystery to what I am writing here.  I would love to know which of you – and – what you are able to decipher of it all.

Write and let me know at: mountainwomanrj@aol.com, the new email account I have now set up for the journey of moving “beyond gender tyranny.”













Saturday, October 21, 2017

Harvey Weinstein And The Losers’ Paradigm


Also see The Winners and Losers Paradigm

I have always been attracted to the words of Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero With A Thousand Faces, describing Darth Vadar as “an unformed man,” the antithesis of a true hero. 
"Whoever is not aware of
this force...
"

How paradoxical is this contrast between what people often consider heroes and what just might be hiding beneath the surface, especially when we witness the fall from an apparent pinnacle of success of Harvey Weinstein. And the others like him, such as Bill Cosby, who have also taken this plummet from a peak, extolled as the heights of achievement, into a Hell hole of one’s own making.

Yet, once the scales fall away from this fiery dragon of a man, Harvey Weinstein, who could and did make and break the fortunes of untold numbers, the unformed man, as Campbell described Darth Vadar, is revealed for all to see, but the most jaundiced.

The fact, as reported by numerous media sites, that Weinstein has now already left his first foray into rehab, after only one week, vividly displays the absence of human substance, depth and determination to face up to his problems, as he more comfortably seeks return to his familiar turf. 

“Traditional rehab would require Harvey to disconnect and part with his phone and he's not able to do that,” we're told. 

Instead Harvey is ".. still figuring out his next move," an insider shares, "but would like to stay in the business. He loves making movies and is convinced he will find people that will work with him."

This, dear readers, if you hadn’t already figured it out, is the stuff of the Loser Survivor, not, at all, that of the Serene Survivor. 

Here is my assessment of Harvey Weinstein, in current motion, as represented by my Loser Survivor table. I hope you find it edifying and a tool to help your own thinking/feeling/assessing keep clear as an aid to mucking out the waste such poor examples of humanity create for the innocent and unsuspecting.

Loser Survivors Do These Kinds of Things. 
My comments, regarding Weinstein’s particular representation, are offered below.

Avoids dealing with full reality; 
If you’re in the business of fantasy creating, why bother with reality?

Stubbornly holds on to being right; 
Why not, if you’re holding all the chips?

Invests in defending him/herself; 
Well, a bully stands on top and doesn’t have much need for actual defending, when he can buy and sell almost all, out from under others.

Sabotages the well-being of self and others; 
Obvious when applied to others. But not so easily recognized by such as Weinstein and Cosby, until YOU guys, get royally caught!

Avoids taking risks related to being fully honest with self and others; 
Full honesty not required when you can control and buy almost anyone and anything. Lying and denial are critical elements of the game.

Shuts others out/keeps others distant; 
Now, what was that you were saying about Harvey Weinstein and his wife and the quality of their relationship?

Invests in illusions; Same as #1.

Holds grudges and resentments; 
What’s that we hear about Harvey and his work with his therapist? Something about the tip of the iceberg. 
“There were things that triggered [Weinstein’s] anger and our job was to help him recognize where it was coming from and how to control it. …. It was an appropriate display of anger.”
And, about the various times he has actually beaten up others who angered him, including his brother?

Avoids full involvement in life; 

A fantasy life doesn’t usually make much room for the trees and the birds, the sunshine and clouds. And how much genuine involvement can one truly have, even in one’s own family, when a guest visiting one’s home is taken into a next room to satisfy lustful demands. (See Lupita Nyong'o.)

Makes excuses for personal stagnation; 
My goodness, “it all was “consensual,” he said.

Exploits personal fears to justify hiding; 
What else might it mean when a man whose life and all he has built is totally collapsing but "He is still figuring out his next move."  Experts would suggest this is optimum denial.

Avoids or breaks commitments; 
Here again we can come back to his wife and children. But that’s only for starters.

Avoids valid emotional pain; 
At this stage of my life, after years of dealing with the survivor/addict in me, I would know for sure that I am terrified of what lies ahead and would deeply feel the pain of all that is happening, including how I could be the perpetrator that caused much of it.

Avoids necessary grieving; 
Same as #13 above.

Avoids personal responsibility; 
Personal responsibility carries with it a great deal of #13 above. But that’s only for starters in digging into the fallout. Years and years of self-examination, accountability and amends. Ask any recovering addict!

Lies to self and others; 
Here we are back to one of the key elements of how the game is played.

Encourages addictions in others; 
This one isn’t all about Harvey. It’s about the surrounding survivor/addict culture. The same one, with our unique variations, that you and I are also living in.

Holds on to controlling others; 
“Oh, please, don’t let me go, everyone. I’m sorry and I will make it up to you and get right back in it all again with you!,” said Harvey.

Avoids acknowledging limitations; 
Now where was that “I’m sorry?

Instead of learning, repeats mistakes; 
Here’s one blatant example. “Traditional rehab would require Harvey to disconnect and part with his phone and he's not able to do that, we're told.” But we won’t need to look far for others.

This is the Campbell’s “unformed man,” for sure. The Dark Side in motion.

One main thing can save Harvey besides himself, I promoted it in my article on The power of GRAD. It’s the power of people speaking out “truth to power,” pain and outrage. 

In a democracy the many voices of the collective can almost move mountains.  And, Harvey and others like him can be almost as big as the mountains, if they are in your life.

Been there, done that!


#Metoo

Monday, August 28, 2017

How Anastasia’s GRAD Theory Offers Hope In These Troubled Times


Do you wonder, these days, how we, as Americans, are ever going to get through these troubling times with Donald Trump in office?

It would be hard to be fully present to what is going on around us, day in and day out, under Trump’s administration and be completely at ease. 

But I am here to tell you, with all my many years of experience working with individuals, couples, families, groups and organizations, added to more than forty years of research and strategic intervention development, based on what Watergate taught me, that we, the citizens of the U.S.A., our Congressional representatives and our courts, are on the right and proper track.

Do you want to know why I believe this, so wholeheartedly, even though I, like yourself, am struggling most days to remain “tranquil”?

The bottom line for me can be found in the almost bottom line of my GRAD theory.

Interpreted it goes like this: The Dark Side (i.e. addictions and/or any other manifestation of the RSC) cannot hide out, indefinitely in a community. Community life will not sustain it!

The reason being:  Over the long haul the character aspects (of the Dark Side Warrior) are antithetical to community life – and – humans are, by nature, communal animals. Thus, in a democracy, to go against that which builds and sustains communal life cannot sustain itself, indefinitely. The weight of the majority will not tolerate it.

Trust in this! And, do your best to be the best you can to be a part of the healthy whole!

To the end of strengthening your resolve  -- and – your efforts to hold on to your hope, your highest ideals and your everyday commitments, today I am editing and adding to my description of the GRAD theory to provide you with highlights and guidelines to help you navigate this challenging era.  

The Power of One is what I am stressing, added to the power of the many.

Please use what I am offering! 


Apply the tenets laid out, as best you can. And contact me at: SuperSleuthDSW@aol.com, if you need further assistance.

Together we can weather this storm, as people are doing, this very day, in surviving Hurricane Harvey in Texas.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Winners And Losers: A Paradigm For Each


Winner Survivors* Do These Things

Scroll down on Winner and Loser lists for new additions, today, August 6, 2017
  • Confronts and deals with reality;
  • Strives to live in the Light;
  • Lets go of resistances and defending;
  • Avoids trying to control others;
  • Is consistently open to learning from life's lessons;
  • Sets intentions to learning from others;
  • Is determined to succeed at all levels (body, mind and spirit);
  • Takes risks to improve relationships with others;
  • Resolves conflicts with others, including managing anger in healthy ways;
  • Takes responsibility -- is transparent and accountable;
  • Participates fully in life, daring to be all one can be;
  • Uses fullest capacities;
  • Makes and keeps commitments;
  • Always tells the fullest truth of their knowing (Except when genuine threats to survival are present.) Added October 29;
  • Experiences, fully, reality-based pain and other emotions;
  • Grieves losses fully;
  • Expects others to be transparent, responsible and accountable;
  • Acknowledges limitations;
  • Learns from mistakes;
  • Allows self to be inspired and empowered by nature (fresh air, sunshine and the great outdoors); Added 8/6/17
  • Attends to nutrition, exercise, physical, emotional and spiritual health; Added 8/6/17
  • Seeks to find joy, appreciation and inspiration in others (Quakers call this "Looking for the G-d in every one); Added 8/6/17
  • Is loving, caring and compassionate toward self and others.


Loser Survivors* Do These
  • Avoids dealing with full reality;
  • Stubbornly holds on to being right;
  • Invests in defending him/herself;
  • Sabotages the well being of self and others;
  • Avoids taking risks related to being fully honest with self and others;
  • Shuts others out/keeps others distant;
  • Invests in illusions;
  • Holds grudges and resentments;
  • Avoids full involvement in life;
  • Makes excuses for personal stagnation;
  • Exploits personal fears to justify hiding;
  • Avoids or breaks commitments;
  • Avoids valid emotional pain;
  • Avoids necessary grieving;
  • Avoids personal responsibility;
  • Lies to self and others;
  • Fosters personal survival-based addictions;
  • Encourages addictions in others;
  • Holds on to controlling others;
  • Avoids acknowledging limitations;
  • Often seeks out and/or creates chaos; Added 8/6/17
  • Often complains and holds grudges; Added 8/6/17
  • Instead of learning, repeats mistakes;
Which of these paradigms are you living in? 

Which one is you being all you aspire to be? 

Which one is you doing all you would like to see yourself do?

Check these out to see where your strengths and weaknesses lie.


The Survivor Addict Inventory and the Catalogue of Survival Driven Behaviors are tools that can help you with this assessment.

* Use this link to read how the "mysterious capability" of our biological survival instinct plays a critical role in our being "winners" or "losers." It's a matter of choice, more than anything. But nature and nurture do play important parts.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Leaving The Dark Side Behind

My collection of "Leaving The Dark Side Behind" articles are all about "what to do" rather than the "what not to do" path of the dark side.

Donald Trump and Company are wonderful gifts, if you can allow yourself to open to that possibility. Every day they are depicting themselves as extreme and perfect examples of "what not to do," if you want a truly beautiful life.

Here is a post, Beyond The Darkness, that I just wrote that has guidelines on "what not to do" and how to achieve that gorgeous state of Dark Side LIBERATION!

Good luck with it.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

A Defiant, Rebellious, Angry Man-Child Now Rules Our White House


What to do? What to do?

The White House seems so far away and yet so close these days.

It is not “our” house. Yet it is “our” house, this White House that shelters the titular leader of our country, Donald Trump. With Trump in residence, disorder reigns in this house and throughout our country.

What to do? What to do?

Some of the greatest wisdom I have come across, out of the mid to late twentieth century is the collective principles that grew out of Alcoholics Anonymous. My Beloved mentor, Marty Groder, M.D. attempted to improve upon them in his meritorious work at the Marion Federal Penitentiary at Marion, Illinois.  I do not believe he succeeded with this, although other of his ground breaking efforts, indeed were worthy of acclaim.

For a while I tried to emulate Groder’s “instead of  AA approach.” But eventually, having personally invested some time of my own, experiencing a Twelve Step program, I “came to believe” that a better mouse trap was unlikely to be built. So “why reinvent the wheel” when the one you have already rolls along just fine.

Groder’s Survivor Addiction theory that eventually became the GRAD theory (the Groder Rosen Addiction Development theory) incorporates all that Groder taught me about healing addictions. These are truly synonymous with learning to transform and transcend the “dark side” which is a genuine work of a lifetime, almost impossible to achieve, 100%, but is well worth the effort.

Having spent most of the decades of my life on this healing path of dark side transforming, on behalf of clients, as well as following the motto, “Physician heal thy self,” I am finding Trump in the White House to be one of the most challenging, as well as disturbing, dark side confrontations I have ever faced. His presence in office takes the disciplines of forgiveness and detachment, systematically representative of Al-Anon, to a whole new level.

What to do? What to do?

One of the ways I am approaching this trial is right here on this blog site. By my reviewing the questions presented on the Survivor/Addict Inventory, I remind myself, almost as if Groder were alive today to prompt my intellect, that in Trump we have as near an embodiment of the “dark side” as the U.S.A. has ever had in office.

What to do? What to do?

I keep reminding myself what that man, from what we can observe, must, by logical assessment, be carrying inside himself. And, it isn’t pretty. “What to do? What to do?” to keep myself and my loved ones sane in this insane place, has now become a daily mantra.

Want some guidance from what my many years, professionally and personally, have taught me, with a heavy dose of lessons learned from Watergate? Run through this inventory, as if you were taking it as Donald Trump.  See what you discover.

It might just assist you in better understanding and managing the insanity we are now living through. At the least, it might help you in finding creative ways of staying outside of your dark side as you attempt to avoid influences of others in this nasty game we are now in.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

The Media Wants Your Attention. Donald Trump Wants Your Attention. What Do You Want?

Get out of the GAME! Get on with your life!

(Coming soon, GRAD GAME theory, or how to lead a great life!)

Consider yourself a hostage, if you are led by what others want and are without clarity about what you want.

Think about it! Is codependency with politics what you want for yourself for the next four/eight years? Another possibility is to make this a time of growth and even transformation for yourself, along with others for whom you might care. In other words, choose to live this time of stress and trial wisely so you can come through it well.

Being bound to what others want for you, without a discernable definition for yourself – of your self, is one of the main characteristics of codependency. 

Being snared in this trap, in and of itself, is a sure warning to me, if and when I find myself subjected to this GAME to get myself out of it! Staying in ensures a diminishing of the health and well-being I strive so arduously to maintain on a daily basis through nutrition and exercise, tending to my relationships, spending time in nature etc.

How about you? What, where and how do you finally come to realize that you are being led like a sheep by the politicians, the media and the internet, along with whatever else you are being pulled into– and – thus not leading YOUR OWN LIFE?

Add to that minimizing of your true personhood, being a follower of a gang of others who are intent on fighting (i.e. Republicans and Democrats, the media and other special interest groups) and you have made a deal with the Dark Side.

Do you not yet realize you do not need to fight what is now touted as he war now going on in our society and politics?

Now why would you want to do that, unless you do not value the days of your life?

Look again. Here is a place to now re-read Jonah Goldberg’s article, "Trump’s Relationship With Media is One of Codependency,” to help yourself see if you are also in the GAME, or not! 

(I have found a number of other articles on Goldberg’s same theme; the craziness surrounding our political climate that hooks all of us in with it through abuse of our news outlets (i.e. what the media is doing to itself as well as how it is being used nefariously by others) that we depend on for the NEWS we truly need to connect us with the world and our place in it. I will post them too, as I locate their links.

Here's one by Ben Shapiro, Addicted To The Apocalypse.)

Beware politics and the media are addictive activities, seeking your undivided attention; your dependency on them for your daily sustenance like a drug!

So who is in control of your life?  If it’s not you, is that something you truly want?

Giving up oneself to be led by others is a Survival Driven activity; in other words this giving up of self is an addiction, a manifestation of living your life in darkness. Check it out!

It puts you in the position of living like sheep, mindlessly

Here are some things to learn, or remind yourself of, to get out of the codependency trap of our current society and politics.
Bottom line: detach from the drama, get lots of support from healthy people and healthy living, find workable intervention strategies and/or GET OUT, if the going gets too tough);
  • How co-dependent personalities intertwine their passive addictions with the power/aggressive addict to foster a whole multitude of problems. For example: sleepless nights worrying about our political state of affairs, high anxiety about same, excess amounts of time obsessing about what you hear or read about politics, politicians, the media and/or entertainment such as comedy that keeps you still in the GAME.
(Bottom line: All types of survivor addicts indulge in varieties of psychological game playing. Check here for a catalogue of psychological games. If whatever does not produce health, get out of it!)

Bottom Line Here: 
  • Get out of the GAME! Get back in charge of your life;
  • Survival driven behaviors; those that are yours or that you attach yourself to; take you down into darkness; 
  • Find light! Your Light is essential, especially now! 
Here are some tips for getting out of the GAME today!
Get Out of The Game!